Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
