everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize