i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
