Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
