How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
