You're my little dorito
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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