Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
