The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
