Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
