We're like a lot better than the average bears
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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