you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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