Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
