i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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