shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
