im drinking this country out of the recession.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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