When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
