I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
