apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize