Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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