dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize