im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
