he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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