Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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