Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
