She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize