Don't make out with my wife yet
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
