I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize