Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
