if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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