R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize