There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
