i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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