I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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