Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
