I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize