I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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