Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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