He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
