theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
