So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
