why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
