I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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