My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize