I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
