dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
