So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
