i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you inspire me to be a worse person
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
