tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
