I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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