I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
