4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think my vagina is haunted
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
