No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
