I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
