Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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