my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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