...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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