I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
