my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
