honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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