Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
