Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
