I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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