Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
