cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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