Girls should come with a carfax report
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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