All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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