"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You're like the curious george of whores
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize