bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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