Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
