All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
