Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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