I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
