fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
