Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
