I CAN MOONWALK!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
