Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
