I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
