Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
