Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
