So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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