i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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