I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
