he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
