i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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