roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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