using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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