After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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