"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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