For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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