Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
