Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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