I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
