who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
