oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
