i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
