I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
