go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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